Budgeting Bridesmaids
Q. A couple of my bridesmaids have complained about how expensive their dresses and other costs are adding up to be. How should I deal?
A. Be considerate. It’s likely that your maids will only wear this dress for a few hours, so don’t make them hock their car to be a part of your wedding. Choose a dress that’s reasonably priced — have them tell you what reasonable is — or work together with your party to find a dress that’s within both their style and budget. Brides aren’t required to pay for the dresses, but if you want to spring for something pricey, consider adding it on to your own budget or paying for half. Try to mitigate expenses elsewhere too — if they’re buying the dresses, don’t make them also buy jewelry and shoes.
No One’s RSVPing!
I don’t know what’s so hard about putting a little reply card in the mail, but I’ve never heard of a couple getting all of their RSVPs back without a little legwork. Rather than making one person reach out to all the late-repliers, divide the guest list by who invited whom, and then everyone can make a few phone calls. So you call your boss, your father-in-law emails his golf buddies, and so on.
Gift-less Guests
Q. Should we send thank-you cards to guests who came to our wedding but didn’t give us cards or gifts?
A. All attendees deserve a handwritten thank-you—regardless of whether they gave you a gift. Now before you roll your eyes and ignore this advice, remember: Guests may have taken time off from work to be there. Keep it simple and say something like, “Thanks for coming! It meant so much that you could be there to celebrate with us.” Try to include something personal too, like how you loved their dance moves or the joke they told in the receiving line. Just resist the temptation to throw in a “PS: We’re registered at Macy’s.”
Everyone Wants to Bring a Plus-One—and Their Kids!
You’ll likely get at least one reply card back with double (or—yikes!—triple) the number of guests you were expecting. One way to prevent parents from adding their pint-size guests to your invite list is to include an insert with the invite about child-care options. (If you’re providing on-site child care, or, if not, where they can find reliable sitters.) But even if you do that, some people will assume THEIR kids still made the cut. Then, again, it’s the job of the person who invited them to call and explain that the wedding is a grown-ups-only affair. The same is true for guests who assumed they got a plus-one, whoever invited them calls to explain otherwise.
The Date Debate
Q. I invited my friend and her boyfriend (by name on the invite), but they recently broke up. Now she wants to bring someone I don’t like. Can I tell her no?
A. Because you worded the invitation correctly by having her boyfriend’s name on the envelope (rather than “and guest”), you have every right to say no. As a rule, invitations are nontransferable when people are invited by name. Try explaining that you’re not friendly with the guest and that you’d prefer that the guest list be limited to very good friends and family. If you invited all of your single friends sans dates, let her know she won’t be the only one coming solo (in case that’s her worry).
Planning for No-Shows
Q. I’ve heard that typically 10 — if not 20 — percent of guests won’t actually show up. Should I budget for the cost of how many people I think will actually show up, instead of the cost of my entire wedding guest list?
A. In a word: No. This is a case where you should definitely err on the side of caution. While it’s true that chances are slim every last guest who RSVPs “yes” will definitely be able to make it to your wedding, it will be a huge headache for you to scrounge up seats and plates if more guests than you planned for show up. The solution? Cut down your guest list to a size your budget can manage, and until every last RSVP card has come in (and every last phone call to track down those errant replies has gone out), assume that they’re all going to be there.
Picky Eaters
Q. How do I accommodate all the vegans, diabetics, Kosher-keepers, people with food allergies or who are on Atkins or South Beach, and the just-don’t-like-exotic-food types?
A. It’s impossible to foresee every single wedding guest’s dietary needs and preferences. Your best bet is to choose one or two basic meat entrees and one meat-free entree, which will make vegetarians, dieters and picky eaters alike happy. Or consider having a buffet- or family-style meal that includes a variety of foods that will please everyone’s palate, and let guests choose what they would like to and are able to eat. And remember that most people with specific food requirements don’t expect special treatment when they attend a wedding.
